Skip to main content

On parenting a pre-toddler

More and more, when I meet friends at school or in the grocery store, they look at me and ask if I am OK. I think this is because I seem overwhelmed and tired, and the answer to their question is "mostly." The real problem, of course, is that I am parenting a pre-toddler. I think that the main purpose of parents for children from 6 to 14 months is simply to keep them alive long enough to allow them to be civilized---not an easy task.

Parenting a baby who is not sensible enough to understand why he shouldn't put everything in his mouth, why crawling down the stairs head first is a bad idea, or even why he can't be with his mama all the time, is intense. For example, suppose I am carrying him around and put him down to do something (you can do almost everything while holding a baby, but not everything). One of a number of things happens:
  • I hear a "crawl, crawl, crawl, thump, wail!" as he bangs himself into the table, or the floor.
  • I hear just "wail!" as he protests being separated from me.
  • I run over to take away whatever he is putting in his mouth, and he starts wailing.
  • He plays for a minute, then starts wailing and crawls towards me and tries to climb into my arms.
You might notice that none of these scenarios ends happily. We're working on it, but it is definitely hard work for both of us. As long as he is not in danger, I need to decide whether what I am doing is more urgent than picking him up. If he is in danger, I need to put down whatever I was trying to get done and run to help. I am basically on high alert all the time that he is awake, and it is wearing me down.

As I was thinking about this this morning, I realized that my complaints sounded familiar... in fact, I had called my sister when Amanda was this age, with exactly the same overwhelmed feeling. She responded (as I had responded when her child was this age) by reminding me that this was related to development, and it would pass. In fact, Amanda did survive toddlerhood, and I had almost forgotten the pain we went through to get here. I do believe that Luke and I will make it through this stage in his life. But if I seem overwhelmed, it is because I am, at least for the moment.
Labels:

Comments

Anonymous said…
Thanks for posting in time for my lecture on toddlerhood (had never included a segment on pretoddlerhood before)!

Love,
your sister
(and yes, this will pass)
October 8, 2007 at 4:20 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My hero, Helen Parr

Otherwise known as Elastigirl , a.k.a Mrs. Incredible. She is a stay at home mom ( SAHM ), she clearly feels that what she is doing is important and is willing to give up a lot to do it (remember her comment in the intro: "I'm at the top of my game! Leave saving the world to the guys? I don't think so.") But she is finding fulfillment in leading her family from day to day, in doing a hard job well. She also knows that she is very talented, and that knowledge helps her see beyond the repetitive drudgery of staying home. My favorite scene is from the deleted introduction, where she talks with a "career woman" who is of the opinion that staying home is fine for people who can't do anything else. She responds that taking care of her kid is at least as hard as saving the world, and is valuable contribution to society. The point for me is that someone has to do the job that I'm doing, and it's not something that you could pay someone to do. I see...
8 comments
Read more

Kindergarten Fashions

I was informed the other day that Eleanor wants to get a new thermos. She lost the o-ring from her purple Tinkerbell thermos, and I have so far resisted buying another one for her, on the theory that you shouldn't just replace things that are broken since it doesn't encourage being careful with one's things. I have been sending her with the sippee cups that she has been using since she was a year old, which she has resisted giving up to the point of becoming partly dehydrated when I don't let her use them at home. Here's how the conversation went. Eleanor: Anna and Jane said today at lunch, " Kindergartners don't drink from sippee cups!" Me: That's very interesting. Eleanor: They are supposed to drink from thermoses. Me: Eleanor, would you like a new thermos? Eleanor: Yes! Get the purple one, please. If there is a crayon one, that's the one I want.... Who knew that peer pressure started in kindergarten? The sippee cups are perfectly f...
4 comments
Read more

Girl toys

A friend just had a post about her son's desire to have a pink bejewled play phone (she and the people who comment have great things to say: here it is so you can read it). Thinking about her post made me very glad that for girls 5 and under (which is all I have experienced lately) there is no toy that is off limits as far as I can tell. Amanda's favorite toys are trains (although she doesn't play with them the way some of her boy friends do. I think Chanson's kids would play well with her version of trains). Her favorite movie is Cars. Her favorite TV show is Bob the Builder. No one in her life (relatives, friends, teachers) tells her that she can't enjoy all of these things. On the other hand, she likes to play with all these things while she is dressed as a princess... In Eleanor's class, everyone's favorite thing to do is woodworking, both girls and boys. The only mathematicians she knows are women, so she expects to do well in math as well...
5 comments
Read more