Skip to main content

Discipline

I have been thinking about discipline lately.  My father-in-law mentioned that my brother-in-law was a very disciplined person.  I don't recall his wasting any time, ever, although he may have.  But mostly he spent his time working on things that were important to him, and accomplished a lot.

On the other side of the equation, he told the story of someone he knew who had been very undisciplined about treating his diabetes.  The diabetic was chewed out by his doctor.

In my life, I feel like I don't have very much discipline.  I'm constantly getting distracted by trivialities, or time wasters, and much of the time I can't make progress on some of the things I want to do.  This is unsatisfying, and I'd like to figure out how to change it.

I think discipline comes in two parts.  First, you must figure out what is important, and then, you need to make a system to actually do the important things.  Sometimes what is important becomes critical and obvious: make these lifestyle changes or you will die.  Other times it comes from our heart, as with people who need to write, or dance, or fly, or any other passion that they cannot live without.  But I think that much of the time we must study and consider what is important. 

I think that Alec spent time studying God's will and the people around him, as well as his heart, to decide what was important to him.  I have known people for whom everything is important.  They are exhausting to be around, and sometimes end up not accomplishing anything that is really important. You really can't spend time on everything.  Some things have to fall by the wayside, and as long as those are the less important things it is OK.

Sometimes I try to make lists of things to do for the weekend, but those are substitutes for a more considered list of what to spend my time on---I don't really have a more considered set of guiding principles that would make it easier to decide what to do and what to let go.  (OK, I have two principles: keep the family clothed and fed.  But beyond that, it is a bit of a mess).  Also, not knowing what is important can lead to indecision which can lead to paralysis and (in my case) phone games or other time and energy wasters.

The second part of discipline is having some sort of system or support to get the important things done.  The truth of the matter is, I believe that willpower alone cannot get the job done, or at least not long term.  We need things like habits, check lists, schedules, systems of friends to encourage us and keep us accountable... I'm sure there are more.  I believe that the Holy Spirit can prod us and change our hearts, although I'm not sure exactly what mechanism is used.

I think we can sometimes look at disciplined people we admire and think, "Oh, they are different than we are.  I've tried really hard and I can't do it."  The disciplined people can make things look easy, but I suspect that they were hard at first.  But as you focus on what is important and achieve success, I think (hope!) that there can be a deeper joy than just spending a few minutes playing a game or crossing things that don't really matter off a list.  Another thing we might not realize about the people we admire is that they have almost certainly failed in the past.  As far as I can see, failure is something that we can expect in our lives, and the only thing to do is get up and try again.  If we haven't thought about the purpose of our lives, this is discouraging and pointless. But if we can see our lives on a trajectory  toward a larger purpose, that can help.  


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My hero, Helen Parr

Otherwise known as Elastigirl , a.k.a Mrs. Incredible. She is a stay at home mom ( SAHM ), she clearly feels that what she is doing is important and is willing to give up a lot to do it (remember her comment in the intro: "I'm at the top of my game! Leave saving the world to the guys? I don't think so.") But she is finding fulfillment in leading her family from day to day, in doing a hard job well. She also knows that she is very talented, and that knowledge helps her see beyond the repetitive drudgery of staying home. My favorite scene is from the deleted introduction, where she talks with a "career woman" who is of the opinion that staying home is fine for people who can't do anything else. She responds that taking care of her kid is at least as hard as saving the world, and is valuable contribution to society. The point for me is that someone has to do the job that I'm doing, and it's not something that you could pay someone to do. I see...

Kindergarten Fashions

I was informed the other day that Eleanor wants to get a new thermos. She lost the o-ring from her purple Tinkerbell thermos, and I have so far resisted buying another one for her, on the theory that you shouldn't just replace things that are broken since it doesn't encourage being careful with one's things. I have been sending her with the sippee cups that she has been using since she was a year old, which she has resisted giving up to the point of becoming partly dehydrated when I don't let her use them at home. Here's how the conversation went. Eleanor: Anna and Jane said today at lunch, " Kindergartners don't drink from sippee cups!" Me: That's very interesting. Eleanor: They are supposed to drink from thermoses. Me: Eleanor, would you like a new thermos? Eleanor: Yes! Get the purple one, please. If there is a crayon one, that's the one I want.... Who knew that peer pressure started in kindergarten? The sippee cups are perfectly f...

Girl toys

A friend just had a post about her son's desire to have a pink bejewled play phone (she and the people who comment have great things to say: here it is so you can read it). Thinking about her post made me very glad that for girls 5 and under (which is all I have experienced lately) there is no toy that is off limits as far as I can tell. Amanda's favorite toys are trains (although she doesn't play with them the way some of her boy friends do. I think Chanson's kids would play well with her version of trains). Her favorite movie is Cars. Her favorite TV show is Bob the Builder. No one in her life (relatives, friends, teachers) tells her that she can't enjoy all of these things. On the other hand, she likes to play with all these things while she is dressed as a princess... In Eleanor's class, everyone's favorite thing to do is woodworking, both girls and boys. The only mathematicians she knows are women, so she expects to do well in math as well...