Recently, I have been reading lots of blogs about whether you should continue to let kids believe in Santa, or whether you should tell them the Truth about Santa, that he is based on an ancient saint and in his current magical form, is just a Story. One article I especially appreciate is by Tony Woodlief, who wrote in the Wall Street Journal that it is important to retain a belief in the magical, rather than let the world be defined by what we can see and touch. I like the article, in part because it includes several of my favorite authors (Chesterton, Lewis, MacDonald), but I don't practice his advice in my own life.
Here is my experience with Eleanor. We have always done Santa in a very restrained way: we have stockings filled with chocolate, socks and one toy. The presents under the tree are all from people, not from Santa. When Eleanor started asking questions like "How does Santa get into our house? There's glass in front of the fireplace?" I made a point of never lying to her, but asking her to use her imagination. When she asked if Santa was for real, I let her in on the secret: we are Santa. It is our job to give gifts to people we love and people who are in need, and no magical Santa will let us get away from her job. In a word, I told her Santa is not real. I also added a very stern warning that she was never to talk to other kids about this, ever. She was about 4 at the time.
The unexpected benefit of this is that now we are more free to ask questions and talk about Santa than ever before. She loves making up stories, and magical stories are some of the best. She loves being part of the story: she has plans to load up Michael's and my stockings on Christmas. And you can bet that she will pretend that the gifts came from Santa, although she will love my hugs and thanks. The magic is not gone from the world because Santa is not real, it has just moved.
Now Amanda is 4, and the question "Is Santa real?" is not on her mind. I should ask her what she thinks about it, but my impression is that she's seen Santa on TV and in person, and so he must be real because she can see and touch him. I'm not actually sure she's clear on the idea that it is Santa who brings gifts to children on Christmas---she often keeps her ideas to herself. When the time comes, I'll tell her the same story and we'll see if it works out as well.
Am I right in my approach? I don't know, and it hardly matters. We can each do the best we can for our own kids, and tell stories to each other about what happened next.
Here is my experience with Eleanor. We have always done Santa in a very restrained way: we have stockings filled with chocolate, socks and one toy. The presents under the tree are all from people, not from Santa. When Eleanor started asking questions like "How does Santa get into our house? There's glass in front of the fireplace?" I made a point of never lying to her, but asking her to use her imagination. When she asked if Santa was for real, I let her in on the secret: we are Santa. It is our job to give gifts to people we love and people who are in need, and no magical Santa will let us get away from her job. In a word, I told her Santa is not real. I also added a very stern warning that she was never to talk to other kids about this, ever. She was about 4 at the time.
The unexpected benefit of this is that now we are more free to ask questions and talk about Santa than ever before. She loves making up stories, and magical stories are some of the best. She loves being part of the story: she has plans to load up Michael's and my stockings on Christmas. And you can bet that she will pretend that the gifts came from Santa, although she will love my hugs and thanks. The magic is not gone from the world because Santa is not real, it has just moved.
Now Amanda is 4, and the question "Is Santa real?" is not on her mind. I should ask her what she thinks about it, but my impression is that she's seen Santa on TV and in person, and so he must be real because she can see and touch him. I'm not actually sure she's clear on the idea that it is Santa who brings gifts to children on Christmas---she often keeps her ideas to herself. When the time comes, I'll tell her the same story and we'll see if it works out as well.
Am I right in my approach? I don't know, and it hardly matters. We can each do the best we can for our own kids, and tell stories to each other about what happened next.
Comments
Mom or Gramma enforce a rule among adults and older children, which is that Santa *must* be presented as real to the innocent children. They claim that the do so to increase the pleasure that the children have in Christmas; but those I've known who have done this clearly have their own voyeuristic pleasure utmost in mind: seeing the child enjoy the miracle of this red-cloaked god bringing gifts to them for being good.
It is the false god that is created, with the explicit plan of destroying this belief in the future, as a rite of passage to 'sophisticated' older-child-hood that troubles me. The families I've known who have done this have been only nominally christian, with rather vague theology and usually a somewhat self-serving idea of God.
Santa-belief is in a materialistic god who demands "good" behavior - where "good" is defined as not getting momma upset, and in the end presents are awarded, so "good" is whatever the child's state of behavioral being has been.
In the families I've known, with the young children this Santa-belief has *replaced* teaching about Jesus, sin (human nature), grace, forgiveness, and salvation by faith *rather* than by works. Little children are easily able to understand these and other basic central christian principles, and Jesus held up the credulous faith of a little child as a model.
When I met this Santa-teaching first, as a pre-teen, it seemed to have a Satanic character precisely because it was a pleasurable, narcissistic, religion whose precepts were exactly the opposite of those I knew to be Christlike; because it taught children a delusion - they would soon discover that the adults they trusted were lying to them; because it seemed to completely displace the true Christmas message; and because it seemed that those children, when I grew up with them, seemed immunized against true faith in God.
On the other hand, pretend and games and mystery are important. I think your way of handling the Santa tradition is gracious and harmless to faith.