We went to the pool yesterday and there was a younger woman with 2 kids, maybe 5 and 6 years old. As I watched her with the kids I became convinced that she wasn't their mom.
"Don't be ridiculous. She's beautiful and younger, but not too young to be these kids' mom. She has an accent, but many people in this neighborhood are from somewhere else. Don't make assumptions," I told myself.
But I watched her and I was interested to know what about their behavior ticked off my "mom" radar. I saw that when she spoke and asked the kids to do or not do something, she didn't speak with any authority---she could tell them to do something, but she had no power to make it happen. "We're not sitting up there right now." "Don't jump in by the steps!" "If you jump on the inflatable shark it might pop, just like the last one." In the first case the kid looked at her and thought about whether to obey and then did. In the latter two cases the kids totally disregarded her request. I'm not sure why she didn't make obedience happen: if it had been me, I would have given the kids consequences for their blatant disregard of what I was saying (I hope). Maybe she couldn't for some reason? Maybe she wasn't concerned about the long-term relationship? Something in their attitudes made me feel that she lacked authority.
As it turned out, she was the Au Pair. And I was grateful that my kids (at least this time) did get out of the pool when I asked and moved (although infuriatingly slowly) to the exit, carrying their own belongings. I hope they obey at least in part out of respect and the belief that I have their best interests at heart. But they do know that I am willing to back up my words with actions. And I have the authority to do so.
"Don't be ridiculous. She's beautiful and younger, but not too young to be these kids' mom. She has an accent, but many people in this neighborhood are from somewhere else. Don't make assumptions," I told myself.
But I watched her and I was interested to know what about their behavior ticked off my "mom" radar. I saw that when she spoke and asked the kids to do or not do something, she didn't speak with any authority---she could tell them to do something, but she had no power to make it happen. "We're not sitting up there right now." "Don't jump in by the steps!" "If you jump on the inflatable shark it might pop, just like the last one." In the first case the kid looked at her and thought about whether to obey and then did. In the latter two cases the kids totally disregarded her request. I'm not sure why she didn't make obedience happen: if it had been me, I would have given the kids consequences for their blatant disregard of what I was saying (I hope). Maybe she couldn't for some reason? Maybe she wasn't concerned about the long-term relationship? Something in their attitudes made me feel that she lacked authority.
As it turned out, she was the Au Pair. And I was grateful that my kids (at least this time) did get out of the pool when I asked and moved (although infuriatingly slowly) to the exit, carrying their own belongings. I hope they obey at least in part out of respect and the belief that I have their best interests at heart. But they do know that I am willing to back up my words with actions. And I have the authority to do so.
Comments